I Guess I'm Gonna Jump Right In.

You know the feeling you get when you first realize you've failed a class and don't know how to tell your parents about it? That feeling that you've just been punched in the stomach from the inside? That's pretty much how I've been feeling almost every minute for the past two months or so. And every time I think about what I really want to be doing right now, the feeling just gets worse. I really do not want to continue with college. Which, I feel, would make my family revolt against me. I feel like I have this pressure on my shoulders to become the first college graduate in my family since my great grandpa. And while this is great motivation, it's not what I want. I want to be taking strictly acting classes and build upon my rather empty portfolio. I don't see how a degree can help too much in acting. I don't know, I guess we'll see.

Having said that, I don't think I've been completely sober for a day straight since January 6th. I'm in debt. I do not address a lot of problems. Problems that, when ignored, can be quite detrimental. For some stupid raisin I think that if I put something in the back of my mind, it'll figure itself out, and go away. I have the mentality of a four year old, mindset of a Club Kid, and maturity of James Lipton.

And finally, on a separate, but equal note, I've been listening to so much Sufjan Stevens lately it's a little ridiculous. Damn, his shit's good. I find it to be very therapeutic, and is lyrics are out of this world. I think my favorite song of his, or at least one of my favorites, is called The Mistress Witch from Mcclu. Even though YouTube is a fuck up and calls it McClure. Also, the video is a bit strange, but I like its organicness.

Bah! Time to go snowball fight with Tim and Shauvon and hopefully others. I'll come up with some catchy goodbye saying some other time. For now, this is me. Bye.